Doritos Loaded review

Doritos loaded from 7-11, a....chip....that is filled with gooey cheese. I mean would ya look at that thing! When i picked these up from my local convenience store i picked up extra napkins. I mean that is a substantial amount of cheese. Ok well....its not gonna look exactly like it does in the picture but i expect some cheese lava to escape.

The package says served hot& tasty. First off whats with the bag? I dont get the cool box shown in the picture. I mean look i get it im not gonna get whats in the picture, I've long accepted that, but god damn we're not even to the food its self and you already fuckin up? shiiit. (ahem, sorry ghetto fab attack) any way at this point in my adventure i still trusted sev and wide eyed and innocent i reached into my goody bag. 

...eh. I mean look its not any thing id spank it to but it doesn't look half bad either. You know if you're drunk and there is nothing else open at 4am this ish would look bomb tastic to you (seriously sorry). Well lets take a peak inside

so....does that look like a cheese lava to you? If i didnt tell you it was cheese would you have even guessed that. What the hell man, this is just a blatant lie. You didn't even fucking try to even make it look like there was cheese in there. This is false advertising, this is the cross dressing of snack foods, but not even the good kind of cross dressing where you can respect their makeup skill and ability to walk in high heels. NO this is the "try on your wife's evening gown and go to a truck stop with a pocket full of tranquilizers" cross dresser of snacks. ....well lets see what the cat thinks

fuckin NOPE.

It taste like some one chewed up a bunch of doritos, then spit it back out and formed it into a triangle then filled it with spoiled breast milk from a diseased lactating opossum.

AND ITS REALLY REALLY HARD TO BITE INTO! FUCKIN TEETH DUDE!

in the end i would not recommend this, unless you are already missing teeth from a biking accident and are getting new ones put in. Then i guess go nuts.

My highschool party experience. Part 1

Poser ass bitch is such a harsh term. I prefer " indecisive asshole" if you must. Looking back at my highschool years i can't really say i had a group. Every few months id find myself at some new lunch table, in some new clique, but id never subscribe to their bullshit. It would always seem that just as quickly as i appeared id vanish back into oblivion where id find another group to call friends for a few weeks. This wasn't the ideal way to spend ones glory years but fuck....worked for me and the pro to this was, i got to experience every cliques version of "the house party".


the band geek party. 

location: Parents house, but their folks are gonna be home at like seriously 2 so ya know....super late but every one has to be gone by then.

start time: 4:00, soon as schools done head over, but seriously every one has to be long gone by 2.

end time: 10, my parents are gonna be home at 2......

food: Some one brought rice krispie treats. If there was a fucking rice famine there would still be rice krispie treats.  

decorations: There will be a room with a black light.

drug of choice: HA

drink of choice: There is nothing in the house lets all walk to fucking wawa like a big giant parade of virginity.  

the main thing going on at this party?: FINGER BANGING. all over the place. gotta build up that dexterity.

overall experience: I wasn't kidding about the finger banging. theres no booze, no drugs, but god damned if there isnt a shit ton of girls with blankets on their laps with some tuba players arm under neath and no matter how common place this becomes we all talk about it like we just saw hardcore porn. If you are lucky enough to reach third base (in tee-ball) you might want to go to a nice room. Your options are limited however to that one room with a black light.....and every one is gonna keep popping their head in. Also do not eat the rice krispies, they taste like the flag girls snatch.

the prep party

location: Their rich fucking parents house, and they wont be home for a week. Seriously every preppy person has parents who just do not give a fuck about leaving their kids at home for weeks. Its like they said "fuck it our kid became cool, even if they set the house on fire and die we pretty much still win"

start time: Fucking like 10. When the bands geeks are finishing up the preps are just getting started. I never got this either you got the house for the entire day start earlier but i guess the later it is the cooler it is? The late start time is so they can put on a sephoras worth of make up and spray tan.

end time: These things dont end, some where in wildwood theres still a preppy party going on from 2004.

food: I have no idea, you'd see people with food but never a table or any thing, the kitchen just has a keg in it. The grill will be on but there is no food and just jocks lighting shit on fire. Yet some fucking guy will walk by you with a hoagie. Insane

decorations: Christmas shit, dosent matter what time of the year. They saw clueless and think its cute as balls to have a snowman light up in the yard and every one is gonna go "omg thats so random". Side note, remember when brittany murphys charecter gets in the car with the snowman decoration and its still light up. how the fuck did that work? your driving away and this bitch is still plugged in? fuck.

drug of choice: dude....whatever you fucking want. My god I had preps pegged wrong. Rich kids buy good shit. You think cheerleaders dont blaze.....you're right, they'll look at you like "who the fuck invited frank god damn cline" or maybe im just speaking from experience.....

drink of choice: Miller lite kegs that every girl is gonna fuck up a keg stand on. Also like every absolute flavor you've ever imagined.

the main thing going on at this party: Fights. Just fights. Maybe some beer pong or flip cup.....that results in a fight. OH almost forgot theres gonna be one girl crying and every one will ask whats wrong but shes not gonna fucking tell you and the bitch is gonna take up the nice bathroom ALL NIGHT. so now we gotta use the shitty downstairs one that smells like motor oil.

overall experience: Your gonna get drugged. There is more molly going around here than at a breakfast club themed costume party (ha).  Usually the hottest people of your school will be here and they'll be drunk as hell or high which was always a treat for me. Smoke a jay with the quaterback and have people ask you all night "do you go to school with us?"

the goth party

location: The fucking woods dude....always the god damn woods.

start time: Like three in the god damn morning youd get an invite over aim.

end time: When you wake up in the morning hungover laying on a log.


food: Pocky. like the best god damn junk food you've ever seen. This is why you fucks get acne, stop blaming god.

decoration: Stuffed animal from obscure kids shows.

drug of choice: Soggy ass blunts rolled by a kid named after a sate.

drink of choice: Either a warm brick of natty ice or vodka poured into a gatorade bottle.

the main thing going on at this party: Satan. No not really.....just inappropriate humor. maybe some metal music or something....also for a bunch of devil worshipers they are paranoid as fuck of shit in the woods. 

overall experience: Goth kids are like the olive garden of cliques. When your there your family, youd think theyd hate every one but no....ive seen all types wander into the woods at ungodly hours to drink piss warm beer and smoke out of some wild ass water bong and goths were always happy to see them. They just want to be hugged, adopt one from your local hot topic today!